Post-Valentine Frustration: A Checklist
I have spent the past three days thinking, or maybe even realizing, that the guys I always manage to attract are a bunch of utter fucks who are horny, good-for-nothing jerks. Thank you, fat, for blessing me with a generous pair of tits, although it’s such a pain dragging my heavy ass to the nearest mall just to find a fitting bra. Thank you, vocal chords, for giving me that sexy, just-woke-up, breathy bedroom voice, although I have to tie down some guys’ peanuts just for me to be able to talk with them properly. Thank you, mind, for being open and retarded enough to tolerate the topic that guys always bring up after they ask for my NASL. Thank you, thank you.
A few months and I’m gonna hit my twenteen’s already. I don’t really dwell on that fact much because I believe that we’re only just as old as we want to be. In my case, I’m only 10 years old. Although when I was in Singapore last year1, some people contested my age and argued that I was only 12, and that I should be entitled to a children’s discount. Not bad at all, I guess.
So what’s with this age sentiment?
I’m only 19, and I’ve already had two boyfriends and numerous flings. That means I’ve said the “magic words” to, and been kissed by, already two guys. I have honestly outdone myself. I’m not gonna even play innocent and admit that my ex’s and I have had our share of “intimate moments” together2, although I still have to have my canal wrecked by someone. No plans in the near future, though. Yet. 
I’ve always been a person who goes with the flow and disappears in a crowd. In some ways, I am a jelly who fits right in, not to please everybody, but to try not to offend others. I’m known to be a person who has a very post-conventional outlook in life - someone who breaks from the norms and goes against the standards. Because of this, I always end up being a loser when it comes to guys.
I attract the wrong ones.
All my friends know that I’m not exactly picky when it comes to almost anything in my life - clothes, books, friends, and even potential partners. I’ve never made, or even thought of, a checklist that would set a standard for anything, much less for my lovelessness. Sure, there are things which I’d choose that guys don’t have, but who am I to argue? I don’t like chinito3 guys, but I’ve flirted with one. I dislike hip-hoppers and gangsters, yet I managed to snag some creatures of those distasteful species of mankind in the past. Although I have never been particular when it comes to looks, I got my “gorgeous” latest ex who’s an incurable playboy and likes kids so much that he buried his seed into someone else’s egg and impregnated that person. Just how more pathetic and more cruel can my love life get?
And so, with those drastic experiences in mind, I have decided to - *gasps*finally!*gasps* - make a very simple checklist to guide my gullible mind (and heart?) for my quest to finding my one…true…love. 
Non-Negotiables
- Must be human - and look like one
- Must know how to have fun - in bed
- Must be smart and witty enough to masturbate with - intellectually
- Must get along with my brother - to effortlessly bribe the pest to leave us alone when the need arises
- Must like kids - but not enough to make them just yet, especially with other women
- Must know how to drive - me insane
Sidedishes
Things I want but can do without
- Age: 21-28
- Hair: Black. Long and wavy/curly/unruly
- Height: Please, taller! 5′6″ and up!
- Waistline & Weight: Don’t matter
- Complexion: Moreno - yummy!
- Wallet: Preferably bulky
- A vampire like myself who’s always alive at night
- Tongue piercing/s. I’m a sucker!
- Politically aware. So I can have someone to vent out my frustrations on
- Willing to cohabit first before the great kalokohan, err, I mean, marriage
- Not mushy, and willing to not celebrate monthsaries/anniversaries/Vdays - because everyday is and should be a day full of luuurrrve.
There’s my list, and I’m sticking to it!
And with that, I have successfully eliminated 99% of the guys I know. I think I’m bound to be single for life. 
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LOL, I always attract the black guys for some weird reason… LOL…
Uh, 19 and having just 2 boyfriends? That’s actually a lot less than it is over here… People over here, by the time they’re 19, they’ve probably have 5 or so boyfriends already! It all starts in middle school… LOL…
Anyways, LOL about your checklist… I don’t really have one… =/
Oh Shari. If you are 10 years old mentally you are 6 years older than me - and I even have a kid…
Good luck finding your life’s Valentine… My man lives up to my checklist to it’s fullest
You’re not the only one that attracts the wrong people. I’ve had my share of idiotic men as well
interesting list. ive had my share of strange boys. ive dated players, best friends brothers and right now im in a strange realtionship with a member of a rock band. he has a lip piercing, which is sexy as hell. and tattoos down his right arm.
im a sucker for bad boys. lol.
haha. don’t feel bad, shari! it happens to everyone, i think. lmao. i’ve had numerous flings as well but only one real bf — the current one. before him, i’ve always attracted the ones who are, like you, attracted to my tits and ass. bwahahaha. flings, i tell ya, just flings. period. no special feelings meant!
mahilig ka rin pala sa moreno..ARGH! me too!! honestly, im not attracted to my own race. im not into asians. ew. i don’t like chinitos either. lol. but i love gangsters, as well as rockers. HAWT!! im into latinos and african americans *ahem* K *ahem* haha.
Must be smart and witty enough to masturbate with - intellectually — ROFLMAO! you’re great, shari! keep it up!! hehe!!
hala… you surprised me maybe because I can never talk that openly hahaha… you’re still young, enjoy life! Being single is great, if there’s one thing I know I’d really do (from Bo’s book), it’s that I would make myself grow and learn!
must have fun in bed…haha, winner sa checklist! ako rin, don’t like chinito guys…
Hi Shari, Jun mentioned about .com.ph domains relating to Enthropia? what about it? tungkol daw sa sinabi ni Andre nung parteeh?
I hope someday you will find someone, too. :P OR he finds you na.
dati nung ala pa akong bf, naiinis ako sa kanya. i was always like, “ASAN KA BA? ”
nyenye. :P
argh. >_> hindi ko alam yung codes. haha! take two. *paki’disregard na lang yung isa* XD
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Response to :
weh. Single for life? XD Damayan kita. Hehe! JK. ^^
Anyway, nice list ha! Natawa talaga ako nung binasa ko yan. XD yes. superb!
Response to :
aha. You’re not alone. XD *ehem*
Chau: We don’t have many “black guys” here, I think. Anyway, I know a lot of people my age have had about 10 boyfriends or so, but seriously, I think I’ve outdone myself. Sigh, sigh.
Nan: Haha, thanks! Lucky you to have your man.
Malin: I think a lot of people had to deal with those idiotic men at least once, but I do it all the time.
Anna: Gawd! Sounds sexy as hell!
Truth is, I’m a sucker for bad boys too haha!
Michelle: Kayo na naman ni K?! Nampucha, gulo ng love story niyo ha! Haha!
Mae: This is one of the very few times I talk about things like this.
I rarely talk about my “love life”, so boo. I love being single…although I look double. *grimaces* hehe!
Liz: Make one too! Kaso in your case, kahit ilista mo na lang qualities ni boyplen, hehe.
Carlo: Ahh, I’ve almost forgotten about that. Nyay! But was referring to .org.ph domains. Will email you about it. Thank you, host!
Laasya: I hope he doesn’t yet. I’m enjoying life as of now hehe.
Dyei: Oh, tara na! Maging hermits na tayo harhar!
That’s quite a list. I think the guy you’re looking for hasn’t been born yet. Why don’t we just live as singles forever? Oh, forget it. The thing is, I need sex. I can’t die a virgin. Lol. (:
gawd nakakainis nga ang gnun hehehe.. anyways you realy cant say.. what fate you bring you!
Response to :
The funniest thing. Promise!
I think your ideal man is not so hard to achieve.
If they relaly want to. *hint* *hint*
Guys who are interested,
Don’t ask me for advice though. I might turn you to gay. Seriously.
i hope you do, find the right guy for you.
you know what? i really enjoy reading your blog. one of the blog sites that make sense. hehe!
you’ll find your man someday. don’t worry.
Wak. I’m only thirteen tapos nakadalawa na ako! Hehe :P But anyway… Hindi naman masyadong seryoso. Haha :P
We’re the same! I hate chinito guys [even though I am chinita. Heh! Ayoko! Mas liliit pa lalo ung eyes ko. Hehe] and I hate gangstas too. They give me an impression… A bad one. :P
Nah. You might not be single. For sure there’s a guy who’s almost just like you.
Take care!
Sheesh… been a long time since I last pooped here. How come I didn’t visit you for days? Sheesh. Sheesh. Sheesh.
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Oh, you’re a year older na! Hahaha. Hello grandma!
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With those qualifications, I think you need a gigolo.
Kidding!
Sorry, I’m not moreno.Lol.
Lexie: Ditto! Exactly. Hehe!
Aisha: Fate…Such an overused word.
Euri: That’s just the thing! Guys don’t want to! Haha! Oh yeah, I remember. You have a knack for falling for gays nyahehe.
Ariane: Thanks…
Elle: Bad ka, hehe.
Neil: Because you were afraid I might jump on you harhar! Don’t worry. Sabi naman sa hula 20 (or 21) ang takdang oras para sa iyo hehe. Grandma ka dyan, hmp! You’re not a gigolo? I’ll make you one lololol.
hahaha shari your posts always make me laugh even though its serious lol. ako nga 18 na nakakaisa pa lang hahaha.
uyyy shari hahaha i wanna be hosted by you lol. i accept your offer haha. what do i do? pano ba mag-apply? hahaha
Is it just me or do women just talk about needing sex openly in public nowadays? I was especially astounded by Lexie’s comment—I really didn’t expect something like that coming out of her. :P
@Aja: Well, it usually depends on the person. Filipinos usually see sex as such a taboo topic… when it’s not. Well… I don’t think talking about sex is obscene. (:
Tiffany: Who says my posts are serious?
Emailed you.
Aja: Ahem. And you expect it coming from me? Haha!
Lexie: Hear, hear! I agree!
awww thank you shari. eeek sorry not related na yng comment ko sa post mo
It’s nice to make a checklist, I think I’ve done that once or twice, but only in my head :P
Goodluck in finding the man who fits your standards :P
Alright @ Shari
@Lexie: I don’t mind talking about sex either, I was just surprised it has been so public. :P
@Shari: Well… ROTFLMAO!
Ako, I attract no one, I guess! You’re 19 and you already had 2 boyfriends. But me, hey!! I’m turning 18 and never had one. LOL.
I also think that I’m bound to be single for life. I feel that, really.
Tiffany: Sure sure, no prob. Ikaw pa.
Dre: Harhar. I’d probably forget the list tomorrow.
Carlo: Thanks! Emailed you.
Aja: Ouch naman! Namaaan! Harhar!
Monalisa: Hay naku. Okay lang yan. Mas gusto ko nga kung NBSB eh.
Hahaha. You know what. A while after the ex and I broke up I made a list like that too. I think am bound to be single for life as well, as I made my list very specific.
You’re one your way to your One True Love! XD I’ve always had this extremely high standard when it comes to men, which is why I only managed to snag one after smashing courtships for years.
hi ate shari, dont feel bad, lahat ng tao nangyayari naman yan, ako nga din eh minsan nako ate dnt worry may mga lalake naman jan na matino eh!! hehe!! ingat ka lagi ate ha.. and belated happy valentines saiyo!! mwah
likes kids so much that he buried his seed into someone else’s egg and impregnated that person.
WHILE YOU WERE TOGETHER??? That’s, like, “Pakyu ka ng earth of the year” material.
How about.. likes (to have) kids (with you)? Iskurry!
im having the same problem. i attract the guys i don’t like/that are the wrong ones. ugh. hhmm… maybe that’s a good idea… making a checklist. haha! this entry is so crazy! haha! hhmm.. your relatives do visit your blog?? i can’t even tolerate that in my family. wah! oh well, take care!
haha. I dont know why, but I keep on liking the wrong ones. maski di tama tlaga, lol. basta ako, alam ng mga kasama ko sa school, na even if I like someone, I dont want to be romantically involved with anyone right now.
studies first? haha!
Aurus: And we’re bound to be willing to compromise even just for one person.
Aravis: Yeow! So it is possible to find someone that measure up to a checklist?!
Nicole: Matino? Harhar!
Helga: Yeah, yeah. While we were “together” - but we’re obviously not together the time it happened, hehe.
Sandra: Well, as long as they don’t with me about anything here, it’s fine. I’ve never been one who “hides” her dislike for some relatives anyway.
Isley: Bakit nga kaya “hindi tama” noh?
19 ka pa lang naman and you’ve had 2 relationships in the past, nasa stage pa lang ng looking for the one true love.
for the ex’s, maybe you’re not meant for each other. hope mahanap mo na yung right one para sayo 
btw i enjoy reading your posts 
I also want boys who are not that mushy. It’s kind of awkward for me. :P
Tiniwini: Hehe, not really looking, actually. Thanks.
Ellie: Trueness!
hmmm,.
“Willing to cohabit first before the great kalokohan, err, I mean, marriage”
To quote alex hitchens
- “Relationships are for people who are waiting for something better to come along. ”
Btw nice bl0g.
F!nch