I Feel AWFUL: On Being Deserving, and Personal Blogging
I was supposed to post this someplace else…But maybe I just want everyone who visits my blog to know how I’m feeling about everything that’s been going on online. I might try to sound cheerful and sport about it, but really, I’m not. I’m unhappy. I’m disappointed. And I feel worthless more than ever.
I can’t wait for The 2007 Philippine Blog Awards to be over. I can’t stand the attention. I can’t stand the drama. A bunch of people are happy for me and are very supportive, and I’m very grateful for that. But hey, I didn’t ask for the nomination. I didn’t beg the judges to make me one of the finalists. In fact, I have never insinuated anything regarding PBA at all. But I’m here, and now I have to deal with it.
It’s really disappointing to see a lot of promising bloggers out there who didn’t make the cut, so to speak. But I wonder, how can we tell if a person is really deserving? Who gives us the right to judge if a blog is worthy to be called “the best” or not? If we frequent a site because we enjoy the entries, is that enough for us to root for it? If there’s a relatively unknown blog out there with excellent entries but doesn’t have the same wide readership that the former has, would we choose it over the former considering that it’s better in all aspects? Or are we going to let our biases get in the way and cloud our judgment?
To quote a part of my response in my interview with Jhay,
People have different means of expressing themselves through their blogs. People choose how to write their entries. Blogs are, in a way, a part of their own personality already. So it makes me go “Hmmm…” that there should be a “best blog” amongst the thousands of blogs in the Philippines. Like I’ve mentioned before somewhere, a personal blog is a personal blog is a personal blog. And whenever someone tells me that I deserve to be nominated, I wonder what things should be considered for one blog to be called “deserving”. It’s a very subjective thing to deal with; to each his own. Every blog is the best blog out there, in my worthless opinion.
Yes, I do believe that every blog is the best blog, regardless of the language usage, the hideous grammar, the engagement factor, or whatthefuckever might be included in other people’s criteria. Why does one even have to make a standard for this sort of thing, I don’t really know.
What I know is that I’m not exactly the best writer there is. My entries are shallow and full of gibberish. I can’t write decent poetry or prose to save my life. I tend to blog the way I talk: magulo. I’m random. I’m unintelligent. BUT THIS IS ME, and I’m not sorry if you dislike me (Why should that be my problem anyway?). I sure as hell can’t please everybody, but I’m glad that at least, there are people who remain loyal readers of my blog despite my nonsensical posts. I’m glad that at least, I’ve left my mark on some people. I’m glad that at least, someone thinks I’m actually “deserving” to be nominated, in his/her opinion. So to those who nominated me, continuously support and encourage me to do the thing I’ve been doing for years, you deserve the recognition more than I do. Because you are a part of this one big reason why I still blog all through these years.
Sure, I’m still sad that most people on my own list of “the best” didn’t make the finals. But then, I realize that can never impose my own beliefs of what should comprise a good blog. I have my own set of interests and opinions, you have yours, and the judges have theirs. I find simple and transparent blogs more appealing than the well-written ones. I find blogs that discuss politics more interesting than blogs that flood me with personal baggages and lovelife complaints (which, funnily enough, just defeats the purpose of personal blogging, in my honest opinion).
But then, let me tell you this. Your personal blog is primarily for yourself. As long as you’re fulfilled with what you’re doing, no matter what anyone says, your blog is still the best. You should step up to your own standards and try to stop pleasing other people. You think visitors will give you fulfillment? No. It’s just gonna make you have a more twisted outlook of what personal blogging should be. The thing is, and I repeat, a personal blog is a personal blog is a personal blog. Our means of expression might vary, but we’re all just one group of people: bloggers.
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- Read Philippine Blog Awards: Finalist Spotlight - Misteryosa.com
- Arroyo signs P1.1 trillion budget for 2007 - Debt servicing still gets the bigger piece of the pie, of course. While I’m slightly happy that the education budget has increased, I’m still disappointed that health service is 8th (or 9th) in the government’s priority list. *sighs* But then again, maybe that’s asking for too much from our generous government.
- Shutdown Day tomorrow. I signed up last month (I’m the second one from the Philippines who did so haha), and I’m planning to kick some butts. I’m still thinking what I should do to keep myself from the computer. Both my parents are leaving tonight, and my dad is tagging my kid brother along. That means I’ll have the house all to myself for a day. House parteeeeyyyyy!!!
- Or maybe I should just sleep.
- Uhm, watch porn? (For 24 hours? Geez! Di naman kaya ako manghina nun lololol)
- Yeah right. Miss me, pretty please?
i didn’t even know there was such awards for bloggers. lol.
you are who you are and people (bloggers) admire you for that. i guess everyone is born to the best, but there are just some people who stand out in their field. and i believe when it comes to blogging, you are one of those who shine the most. i hope you win. but being one of the finalists is already an achievement. we’re proud of you.
this is my longest comment to you ever. haha
I really think judging personal blogs is really a hard task since every person has a different and very subjective opinion on how a personal blog should be personal, especially since personal blogs are very subjective themselves. Maybe the judges like your way of writing more than those whose writing you admire—the ones you think are more deserving of being a finalist. I guess you just have to thank the organizers for picking the judges who is more inclined to your style.
i think you just said it right there…
letting your honest opinion out and not caring about what others might think of it…
i guess thats what got you in
I am so oblivious to blogging awards and stuff. But I think you just nailed it on your post now about blogging and awards.
I agree with H.Love
Perhaps you did just nail it with the judges. Considering as someone deserving is subjective, just think na you met the judges expectations.:)
Feeling this way is totally understandable.
Disregard the drama and everything(I know mahirap) but just think; things like this don’t happen everyday. Savor the moment for yourself this time.:) *hugs*
Just stay the same!
Wee Ate Shari!! Don’t wonder why you were nominated na, I don’t think it’s biased (you don’t know the judges and they don’t know you personally right??) and I think they carefully read and selected blogs and i’m sure yours is the more deserving one! Just be happy nalang ate!
Be thankful 
Well have fun ah!! 
tc!!
i also think the same. maybe my blog is not the best for you, but it is for me. this means that all the blogs in the www are the best. since there’s no such term, nobody can claim that his blog is the best in the http://www. i hope you get my point
i also believe that blog entries should be written expressively and not impressively.
benj said,
Yeah right, Shari. lol. Don’t push it that far. haha
Fia: Haha, trust me, I didn’t know about it too.
Thanks for the vote of confidence and support. I’m still in doubt though. 
Hehe, I never really noticed how long your comments are. 
Aja: Hay, ang sad noh? Yours is definitely one of the best IMHO, despite the lack of updates. *ahem ahem* Hehe. When I think of the judges, I feel flabbergasted that I’m in the finals. Swear. Panong naging more inclined to my writing style sila? Eh kung tutuusin, mga professional writers pa yung iba. *sighs*
H.love: Parang ang insensitive ko naman, wala akong pake sa iisipin at mararamdaman ng iba. LOL.
Toni: Awww, but I can’t — knowing that others are more, IMO, more deserving. *sighs sighs*
Tiff K: Hehe I’ve met about three judges personally, but I don’t think it’d be enough reason for them to choose me.
Janelle: True, true.
Benj: Awww, dang! Wag mo akong guluhin, nagda-drama pa ako! Sinisira mo naman style ko eh.
But swear, even those blogs with “ahAhA mY bF aNd mE kIseD aNd hAvinG sEx iN thE bAk oF d cAr” are the best — for their owners and other people who blog the same, anyway. Diba? It really depends on how you perceive the blog at kung pano ka nakaka-relate sa writing style nung blogger. *shrugs* I’ve noticed this behavior lots of times, and for years, hindi nagbago yan (in most cases lang naman). Subjective talaga. Nakakalungkot.
Hmm… Dear, of course, someone will always be better than you (and me and all of us). But it so happened that the award-giving body liked your blog. We won’t know how will it turn out with another set of judges. Choosing the winner is subjective as you said. And it’s true.
Don’t feel awful.
You like blogs like that? Those blogs aren’t even meant to be read by others!
Shari, come on, you can be sincere with me.
“But swear, even those blogs with “ahAhA mY bF aNd mE kIseD aNd hAvinG sEx iN thE bAk oF d cAr†are the best…”
- So does that mean I’ve to start writing about the first time I had sex? Hehehehe :-p
[..“ahAhA mY bF aNd mE kIseD aNd hAvinG sEx iN thE bAk oF d cArâ€...]
OMG nahilo ako dun, ganyan magtxt kapatid ko at naku ilang beses ko binabasa msg nya bago ko maintindihan, ganyan na ba magsulat ang kabataan ngayon? matanda na nga ata ako
kaloka!
Mahusay kang magsulat kaya ka napili. Napapabilib mo nga ako eh.
Sana ganyan din ako kahusay magsulat, nangarap daw ba. lolz
[...But then, let me tell you this. Your personal blog is primarily for yourself. As long as you’re fulfilled with what you’re doing, no matter what anyone says, your blog is still the best. You should step up to your own standards and try to stop pleasing other people. You think visitors will give you fulfillment? No. It’s just gonna make you have a more twisted outlook of what personal blogging should be. The thing is, and I repeat, a personal blog is a personal blog is a personal blog. Our means of expression might vary, but we’re all just one group of people: bloggers...]
AMEN!
[...Yes, I do believe that every blog is the best blog, regardless of the language usage, the hideous grammar, the engagement factor, or whatthefuckever might be included in other people’s criteria. Why does one even have to make a standard for this sort of thing, I don’t really know...]
Isa na ko sa mga blogger na ganito. hindi kase ako mahusay magsulat. ni hindi nga naiintindihan ng iba ang mga sinusulat ko eh, nagcocomment nalang sila sa layout ng site ko. hahaha. nakakaloka yung ganun.
I think what you’re feeling is universal in any award/ nomination thingie… You can’t nominate everyone and you can’t please everyone and most especially, not everyone can win… There’d be envious people, there’d be supportive people… It’s human nature.
You totally deserve the PBA nod. So just gracefully slap them who don’t say so smack dab in the middle of their faces. hehehe
Good luck!
I’m inclined to think there’s something about this particular Friday that makes people feel depressed.
Cliche I know, but look at the bright side. This is your time to shine.
I actually think that misteryosa is one of the best personal sites in the philippine blogosphere.
ANYWAY. What to do to keep you away from the internet for 24 hours? Get drunk!
Yeah, I don’t see a point in judging personal blogs either. I have a personal blog just to let things out… I don’t want to be judged because of that(or have my blog be judged on)… You’re right about how a personal blog is your personal blog.
Anyways, LOL, yes, I write my blogs the way I talk also!! LOL…
The Phillie award show thingy makes my head spin and I dream of little asian people popping up everywhere. Once upon a time - a few years back the only blogger from the Phillies I knew was Aurus. I am happy she is still going strong
shari, maybe it’s just the jitters.
or maybe not.
It’s Shutdown Day. (: I didn’t participate. It’s summer break, and I don’t think I could survive not using the computer.
Well, good luck keeping away from the computer for 24 hours. Maybe you could… read… clean the house… GO OUT. (:
true. i agree that the awards for a personal blog is a highly subjective thing. parang, how can you judge an outlet of one’s daily experiences and one’s personality. it’s weird, para kasing nanghuhusga ka ng mga buhay at pagkatao.
but, i also believe blogs with good content, good grammar, blogs that engage and connect with readers, and other such characteristics deserve credit din because it’s not just a diary, it’s a public blog, after all. the very act of publishing gives other people the license to see it and scrutinize it based on their own standards. perhaps it would help if we see the “personal blog” award as really more of judging the blog rather than the person in the “personal blog”
Congrats for being a finalist!
You are a sure winner !
insensitive ba yung dating? sorry… pero what i mean was… you just don’t kiss your readers’ asses
congrats for being a finalist..
and agree ako sa sinabi mo na kahit hindi best blog yun sa tingin ng iba, best pa rin yun sa may ari.. 
i couldnt agree more. blog is a persons outlet in the internet. yet, its not just a diary, as what bikoy said, its a public blog.
you see/make your blog with your own standard, but the people who visits your blog everyday sees it their way. so i guess, its fair enough for people to judge this site according to their own criterion.
eh di sana nag password-protected entry ka na lang. and i , too believe, that you are on a square fight. malakas ang laban mo! go go shari! hehehe. ipapasa ko paloa ang resume ko para maging cheerleader mo.
>> “Your personal blog is primarily for yourself. As long as you’re fulfilled with what you’re doing, no matter what anyone says, your blog is still the best.”
A most gracious thought, a welcome oasis in this endless desert of SEO and AdSense. Saludos! You have my vote.
Your blogs are really good for me. They’re not the ones who seem so fake and plastic. You’re frank and express what’s on your mind and not those who exaggerate the truth especially in their love lives. They make people pity them and they appear to be very abused by their lovers but the truth is, they just fought because the one fetched the other one later than what was talked about.
I love this: a personal blog is a personal blog is a personal blog.
Someone said, if it is good, it must be good. Whether you like it or not, rant it or not, the truth is you are one of the finalists. What you need to do now is to prepare you acceptance speech. (and please do not forget to mention me in that speech) LOL
And by that time you deliver that speech, you are no longer misteryosa. ha ha
Congratulations.
I’m soooooo with you on how no one should be judged by the personal blog. And I understand how you feel about been nominated. I don’t’ get that either. I mean, how can two blogs be compared if the people are not leaving the same way. Congrats nonetheless…
I mostly write my blog like I write my essays… But sometimes I write them like I talk… mmm… Now you’ve made me think about it… LOL take care 
[...] Congrats to Shari for making it in the top 5 finalists in the crowded Personal category in the 2007 Philippine Blog Awards! Good luck in getting a 1st, 2nd, 3rd place finish! (Yes, that list of 209 nominees in the Personal category was whittled down to 5. But, congrats to everyone who didn’t make the shortlist, including moi.) And thanks again to Jim Caro for nominating me! Clearly, Jim is crazy. [...]
I think you’re deserving Shari, you deserve to be in that spot
Congratulations!
I agree with Lexie. I can’t shut my PC down for the first day of my shortest summer vacation ever. I just can’t.
benj said,
HEAR HEAR!!!!
DEFEAT THE EVIL EMPIRE. lololol.
This entry reminds me of the one I made a few months back. The only difference is that you got nominated while I was “on the outside looking in.” But I didn’t and won’t care even if the fate of the world depended on it. After all, I know that I’m doing good myself and I don’t need an award just to feel that I’m a winner of some sort because I know that I’m way better than everyone else! Nyahahahaha!
Um, I don’t really care about those awards stuff, so I can’t relate as much I would want to. But I hope you feel better, whatever it is that bothers you
Yoru: It’s just saddening, I guess.
Dra. Tess: You can. If you want to. Which I seriously doubt. LOL!
Nica: Hehe you can actually make that a purpose of your blog diba? Makita mo yung progress ng writing skills mo through time.
Alternati: And that’s coming from one person I wish was nominated.
Jayme: Hehe, I love Fridays. But maybe I’m just really sad about it.
Helga: There you go again with your alcohol-induced comment lololol.
Chau: OMG OMG OMG I wish you don’t actually say LOL when you laugh out loud! LOL!
Nan: Agreed. But she’s slacking. Boo. Hehe!
Atomicgirl: And the winner is: Or not!
Lexie: I could’ve gone to the concert with you, gotten home late, and slept the whole day. Teehee!
Bikoy: But then, it can be highly discriminating. For one, blog content varies from one person to another. Do you talk about your personal issues, your take on what’s going on in the society, your crush, your day (or a part of it), your stupid professor, your friends? Good grammar: Not all Filipinos are good in English. Even those who are fairly smart can be really baaaad in English. Or in Filipino. Blogs that engage and connect with readers: depends on how you actually deliver your story. Some to it in a no nonsense way. Some try to make it sound like fun. Some try to make a fiction out of it. Some just write it the way they talk. So does that mean that because the bloggers don’t meet the individual judge’s criteria, they don’t deserve credit (because, say, they’re bad in English, they gush about their crushes and sound like a lovesick puppy)? Because in a way, it is what your comment implies.
Blogs can be public, yes. Others will definitely measure the worth of a blog. Judge it. But to give awards to those who some people (the judges) see as deserving? Hay. But then, ganito naman talaga nangyayari lagi sa mga contests/awards. Laging may personal na kulay, since the judges use their own definition and understanding of the criteria. 
I knoooow, I am overreacting. I do understand your points. And I know them. Sad lang siguro talaga ako. 
H.Love: That’s because I don’t want to be farted at. Hehe.
Lance: Yeah, I guess. Pasa mo na lang kay Jeff yung resume mo. Gumawa na nga siya ng moves and chants eh, hehe!
Dominique: Awww. Thanks. *sniffs*
Enzo: Wahaha! That’s actually one of my website tips and tricks: whine about your lovelife and pretend that you’re the kawawa in the situation! *apir*
Myepinoy: Hehe, I’ve long ago ceased to be a misteryosa. A lot of people have seen me already. Rawr!
Musme: Maybe sometimes you blog like you write essays, and sometimes you blog like you talk. What do you say?
Benj: I’m not pulling your leg. I swear. Hehe. But of course I don’t exactly patronize those kinds of blogs. I’m just pointing out that those blogs have their own share of readers and fans too — probably the people who write the same way. Alam mo yun? Birds of the same together blah blah blah.
Now who’s the EVIL PERSON now? LOL!
Talamasca: Gotta love that entry you posted. Although my mouth is zipped about the nominations. I haven’t been in those sites anyway, hehe. And Tala, you are a winner.
I take pride in being evil. Shari. I would be insulted if you said I wasnt evil enough for your standards.
[...] than nothing. An extra cash is still an extra cash is still an extra cash.
Napapagaya na ako sa style ni Misteryosa (a personal blog is a personal blog is a personal [...]
Oist! Kitakits bukas ha! Punta ka!
[...] you’ve thought of everything already. The finalist selection process has been questioned, and even the finalists themselves have been questioned. Of course we can’t discount the fact that the roster of judges was the deciding factor in [...]
[...] I personally think that content is king, but that’s just me. I shouldn’t forget about individual preferences, [...]