Pre-birthday Blues
I know, I know. I’ve been MIA the past few weeks. I mean, honestly, can you even call my recent posts “blog entries”? I don’t think so. Still, can’t help it. It’s me being the fickle-minded and depressed person that I always am. My friend thinks differently though. It’s the “pre-birthday blues,” he says. And it’s so obvious that some bloggers even begin to notice that Shari’s, well, gone poof.
Well, it’s not like my birthday’s just around the corner because it’s not. Or like I’m feeling the ever famous “quarter-life crisis” because I’m much too young for that (depends on how you look at it though…if I live to be only 80 years old, then 20 is the QLC, right?). I think what I’m feeling now doesn’t even have anything to do with the age or the event, y’know? If you’ve been a reader of this blog for quite some time now, then you’d notice the ever so often absences with this same old lame-o reason: I don’t feel like blogging.
I’ve been a little disoriented recently, I think. I’m more absent-minded now than I ever was before. I almost put facial wash in my toothbrush and washed my face with toothpaste. I almost used the shampoo as a feminine wash and applied the feminine wash on my face and hair. Yeah, right…like I have pubic hair on my face. I’d catch myself crying for no apparent reason (but then, come to think of it…that’s normal in my case). I wish I was kidding, but I really am not. And those things happen more often than I want to admit.
Everything’s just pissing the fuck out of me. I want to get away from it all. I feel like my life’s pretty shitty right now, and everything’s taking a nosedive to hell. I only have my Twitter account to thank for at least keeping my so-called sanity. It’s a relief to be able to “shout out loud” every little thing that comes to mind. Fragmented thoughts that don’t really make sense to others. But I don’t care. I guess I’m lucky that I have a friend, even if only in text, that I could share my frustrations with. It doesn’t matter if he has no idea what the hell I say every time we talk. I need a listener, not a shrink.
It’s also one of the reasons why I’d rather blog than talk. I have an aversion towards sharing my innermost thoughts with people I often spend time with. I’d rather tell my secrets to someone I’ve just met, or someone I know I’d talk with only once, than tell them to, say, a classmate. I find comfort in the arms of strangers, to put it dramatically.
It’s not pre-birthday blues. It’s not quarter-life crisis. It’s just me being my usual self…without the “lively spark,” that is.
Aww… *hugs* I actually do know what you mean about you’d rather blog than talk. Yep, I’m the same way… *sigh*… And I know what you mean about not “being yourself”… Same with me. I’ve been crying for no reason also… Well, maybe there is a reason… *sigh*…
Shari, I’m here to listen to you if you need someone to listen to. *hugs*
Take care, Shari. I know how hard life is… *sigh*…
err. I know what you’re talking about. I get those times.. those moments. But you’ll get your ‘interest’ back on blogging. It might take some time, but you will.
feel better shari!
PS: dont u juss love twitteR?
uhmmm i really don’t have any sensible things to say (also am really sleepy now hehehe) but to attest that it really feels good to have someone listening to your insanities in life. You know, I also missed having a friend (or friends) like that. I mean in college, I always call my friends (especially those who love to analyze things… minsan even super nonsensical things) and discuss just anything.
Ako naman, I really missed analyzing and observing things. Yun tipong makausap sa phone, mag kwentuhan ng mga ka-ewanan sa buhay, mag counsel, basta mga ganun. I have always loved analyzing events around me.. Gusto kong unawain ang mga bagay-bagay. Something that is making me depressed sometimes. Hindi ko na kasi magawa ngayon dahil sobrang pre-occupied sa trabaho. My work is eating almost more than 18 of my life! Gah.. I really think I need the break
A vacation maybe hehehe
So yun lang. Especially after watching correspondents last [Tue] Night about “gifted children”, napa-isip ako, siguro kung marami lang pera ang family ko lalo na nun nag-aaral pa ako, baka sana na enroll ako dun (hahaha wish ko lang? hahaha). I know san “type” ako nag fall dun.. pero yun nga, hindi naman nahasa eh. Lalo na ngayon feeling ko Im becoming very rusty na
Oh well… tama ba naman ito, mag-usap at mag share daw ba ng mga discouragements? hahahah
Pero sana Shari maging okay ka na. Alam ko may dahilan yan bakit nagiging tila “absent minded” ka the fast few days. You may know the reason already, but maybe, you just dont wanna accept “it” *wink*
As for me, I believe in God and I have found and am continually finding peace in Him
I hope someday, I can be a good friend to you, and a good listener at that 
I feel like that sometimes. Take as much time as you need, I hope you will feel better soon.
I am feeling like that as well since there are lots of stuff that I have been thinking but not related or something to blog about yet
*hugs* we all come to a point in our lives where everything seems to lose it’s well.. uhmm spark..
what’s good about blogging is… everybody gets to hear your story… and share a few good points and offer comfort di ba? and i’m a person who can listen a lot to friends and do less talking… haha. go talk… i can listen while you do…. *HUGS*
all will be well…
Seriously, ang ganda ng entry na to. Very.. flowing? Lol. Dunno how to call it. Natural, I guess. Parang kausap kita, kaso English lang. Lol.
Ang cool din pala ng Twitter, may followers followers pang nalalaman! Hahaha.
Oh-kay, so you’re going twenty. Buh-bye teenage life. Hahaha! So Shari, lubus-lubusin mo na ang mga nalalabing oras! Hahahaa!
Oh, so you’ve been missing because you’re birthday’s near. :P
So, where’s the twenteenth day celebration parteey?!
Euri said,
What the heck. Why me?
Shari, maybe it’s PMS? But quarter-life crisis explains it well too. It’s a phase right?
I’m sure you’ll come around to being your usual amazing self. We’re here to listen.
I’d rather write/blog than talk, sometimes. And there are times when I decide to take a break because the mood to blog is not there.
You’re going to be Twenteen–still a teenager.
This entry just brought back that “lively spark.”
the only spark you need is the ALL-SPARK! tapos makakapag-transform ka na din! wahahah
enjoy offline life, nakakasawa din talaga (minsan) ang buhay online! have a good break…take care shari!
naks lapit nang tumuntong ng 20 >
o 
…ako downhill syndrome…ako din may mga iyak moments kahait walang naniniwala…lagi naman akong andito di lang nagcocomment… 
God! Ang dami nyo na ganito ang feeling. I am wondering, perhaps this a result of the gobal warming (too much smog and pollution, day-in and day-out .. lol). I remember my biology - weather has a big effect on plants, animals and other organisms.
Kahit, mahirap isipin na maglalakad ka na patiwarik (kamay ang gagawing mong paa) para mai-celebrate ka ng iyong birthday, life is indeed exciting - at least for us who reads this post.ha ha ha.
Anyhow, I just hope that you feel okay when your birthday comes.
Happy Birthday!
The last paragraph reminds me of “A Streetcar Named Desire”.
I think you need a good long vacation with sandy beaches, pina coladas and a cabana boy or two. Escape has always worked for me when I’m in a slump.
C’est la vie.
I know how you feel, I’ve been MIA from the blogosphere too. Just don’t feel like blogging. But you already know that… X(
Hahaha. Advance happy birthday :P
aww..
lapit na pala berdey. haberdey in adbans! nakaka`relate ako. medyo missing din ako lately sa blogworld. hindi na ganu nakakapag`bloghop ng todo. busy sa skool. X( anyway.. sana okay ka lagi, shari. missed you! 
We all have our own moments. Siguro ngayon, you’re just pre-occupied with school and everything. I feel the same way lately, I can’t seem to come up with something good because I’m too stressed to.. err.. come up with something.
Don’t worry, you’ll wake up one day na punung-puno ka ng inspiration to blog.
Well, I can only say I bid you well and I just hope that this is just another teen emo moment that will surely pass and one day future Shari will only look back and laugh about all of this and stuff and ***insert endless phrasal cliches here***!
i know what you mean. curiously, it’s like i’ve lost all my conversation skills. i dunno what happened, but i’m more socially retarded than usual.
i’m also lucky in the friends department. these people have seen me at my most neurotic, yet they still seem to like me. thank god for people like them.
keep writing too, even if you don’t feel like it. when you’ve finished something, you’ll feel much better. blogging is good therapy. hang in there!
hormonal imbalance, maybe? am not kidding–check it out with your doctor.
[...] get to say it out loud on the podium. Incidentally, it’s really super nice to see that Shari is trying to blog more regularly again… with some lively spark. You go, [...]