Who’s to Blame?
I just came home from the volunteer teaching stint I have in one community near our area. It was the usual squealing and giggling and laughing and learning with the kids. It was fun.
I’ve come to love those kids so much that it pains me to know that there’s really nothing more I can do to help them. I’ve grown up thinking that life is easier to deal with when we’re younger, but heck, those children have to face the harsh realities of life at such a young age.
Sometimes I want to blame organized religions for being against the use contraceptives and making it a point that they rule everyone’s lives. Sometimes I want to blame the government for backing those organized religions and not doing anything more worthwhile than think politics and money. Sometimes I want to blame the society for being hypocrites and for supposedly being conservatives when in fact they’re not. Sometimes I want to blame the parents of those children for taking on more responsibility than they could handle, then complain about how hard it is to raise a family.
Most of the time I just want to blame myself because I can’t, or maybe don’t, do anything about the problems that I see. It’s like I’m forever having this bystander effect, that even though I know there are so many things that need to be done to help others, I just watch them on big screen with other average people. With huge baskets of popcorn and cans of soda. Taking in every frame without feeling anything. And unless no one is watching, I won’t do anything to help.
I think I’ve become numb. I think I’ve gotten so used to feeling helpless that, in a way, I’m convinced that I really can do nothing to help. I hate this feeling. And I hate the fact that it has begun to eat me alive.
So who really is to blame? Religion? Government? Family? Or myself?
I’ve been a school teacher for 7 years now. Its not the most glamorous job in the world, but I felt that it was the best way to give back to the community.
I miss my kids each year they move up to the next grade and what even makes me hurt more is when the kids I had in the past have some really bad misfortune and it finds its way into my door.
The reality is, we are just one person. We can only do so much. At least your stepping up and doing something for them instead of sitting down and just talking about it. Keep your head up.
There is nothing to be sad about. Your doing what you can for those kids and thats more than doing nothing at all. Thats how I look at it.
I’m with trench up there. He/she/wtfevah already elucidated it all. Besides, the fact that you’re concerned about these kids says a lot about you and your genuine care for them. Because gawd knows I’m not! So that makes me more of a bystander than you are. No, scratch that. I’m BEYOND bystander. I’m like some stiff tree in the woods, oblivious to the world’s suffering and all. Ok I’m blabbering and I should shut up. Hehe.
On that note, vote Shari for President!!!
Ewan ko kung gaano na ba kalawak ang napagtatanto tungkol sa mga ganyang bagay. Pero sa palagay ko, ang pandidikta ng mga, sabihin na nating, kumpormista, ang nagiging sanhi at ugat ng karamihan sa mga problemang kinakaharap ng bansa.
It would be very hard to pinpoint which sector really deserves the blame because in my opinion, everyone’s partly to blame.
I believe that everyone could really do something to help. We just need the willingness and the desire to do it.
Well, if you look at it at all views, the church needs to be more practical and liberal. Changes are happening these times. They shouldn’t be against contraceptives because even though you are careful, some accidents may still happen. The government also needs to back the masses since they hate overpopulation but they won’t even give possible solutions for it. They just depend on the ones the USA gives which I think would end next year.. The family, saying contraceptives are expensive, should think which is more expensive, contraceptives or nine months worth of check-up, a couple of minutes of giving birth and a new mouth to feed everyday…
Well I am against contraceptives too but it’s not purely because of my religion but also because ive seen a lot of single parents (and moms too) who used contraceptives before but they weren’t really successful in preventing their pregnancy, hence they just made matters worse when their children were born deformed!
Hello? Kung kaawa-awa na sila sa magiging kalagayan nila dahil walang pambuhay ang mga magulang nila sa kanila, mas magiging kaawa-awa sila na maging deformed ang mga itsura nila. At dito talaga ako naiinis kasi ano naman ang kinalaman nun bata upang pagbayaran nya ang mga kasalanan na ginawa ng ina niya??
Ive experienced to teach (and be with) kids too, and though I really never experienced having a little brother or sister (only child ako eh, marunong mag control ang nanay ko kahit walang contraceptive, hahaha), i was happy to know that these kids seemed to like me. They gave me “little stuffs” (but valuable at least for me) to me. Some wrote me letters too. Wala lang sharing na din..
So ayun ang reason bakit against ako sa contraceptive. Ayaw ko kasi na may na fer fertilize ng egg dyan sa sinapupunan ng nanay (yun ibang nag co-contraceptive nga may fetus na sa loob ng bahay-bata eh) dahil may chance na maging deformed pa ang bata. Condoms is okay with me pa. Kasi wala pa namang nabubuong fetus or na fer fertilize na egg dyan pag nag condom ka (unless nakipag sex ka ng buntis ka haha!). Yun nga lang kung makalusot sa condom, may possibility na mabuntis. Pero at least alam mo na sa paggamit ng condom ay hindi dahilan upang maipanganak na deformed ang bata (at nakaka konsensya naman siguro para sa isang ina na alam mong ang pag inom mo ng mga contraceptives na gamot ang naging dahilan ng deformity ng bata).
at meron din akong boss sa dating trabaho, kaka inom nya ng contraceptive, nun time na gusto nya ng magbuntis, hindi na sya nagbuntis. 5 taon na ata after ng first child hindi na sya makapag buntis. nun nagpa check up sya, sabi nun doctor dahil daw dun sa ininom nyang gamot
So in a nutshell, using contraceptive medicines is a no-no to me.
Oh, and regarding sa question mo, i dont think we can pinpoint a specific person (or group of people) to blame for this problem. I guess everybody deserves a share of blame. Yun babae mismo dahil hindi sya marunong mag control ng sarili niya, yun community na ginagalawan niya dahil walang ginagawa upang magkaroon ng increase sa awareness ng mga consequences, ang gobyerno dahil sa kawalan ng edukasyon patungkol dyan sa issue na yan, etc.
By the way, ihihirit ko na din, minsan kasi ang tao din ay sadyang matigas ang ulo. Madalas mas ginugusto pa ng tao na matikman ang mapapait na bunga ng katigasan ng ulo. Talaga yatang hindi natin naiintindihan ang pahayag na “Prevention is better than cure”. Ang tao din kasi gusto nararanasan muna at “saka nalang i-cure pag andyan na”. Tayo din kasi ang walang disiplina sa ating mga sarili. Kanino pa ba magsisimula ang pagbabago kundi sa atin din? Kung aantayin natin magbago ang ibang tao para sa atin eh puti na ang mga kilay natin at luwa na ang mata natin ay baka hindi pa nangyayari yun.
Blaming someone doesn’t really help at all. All we need to do as an individual is to try our best to help our poor brethren.
Ultimately I think it’s unfair to put the blame anywhere because in truth, the blame is everywhere… blame ultimately falls on humanity’s choices.
It’s a really tough one… but I think when you’ve given all you can… you need to start taking a look at appreciation and just the simpliest gifts that you get in return like smiles, and realize that everything is for a reason, and it’s not like these kids have asked for a hard life, but when you see the hope in them, it should give you hope too
Oh my gosh! I missed this blog!
Anyways, I know exactly what you mean. I feel that way too… like, I want to help fix that problem but I don’t even know what the exact root of the problem is. I am not so sure about this but haven’t they been promoting the idea of family planning in the Philippines despite the disapproval of the Catholic Church? They encourage people to use condoms and to figure out when it’s safe to have sex, etc. But my mom tells me that most parents have lots of kids there because having kids for them is like buying a lottery ticket.. the more you have, the more chances you have of winning — the more chances you have of getting richer.
I hope some (if not all) of the kids you’ve worked with will be able to figure stuff out for themselves and have better lives for themselves in the future.
…The society that produces their own crooked leaders.
Sadly, lack of discipline, corruption, etc has been deeply ingrained in the Filipino culture.
Hindi naman siguro mangaganak ng rabbit ang ipis, no? I still don’t believe that it’s the ‘lack of education’. You can’t teach people who don’t want to be taught. To me, it boils down to personal choice. Kung gusto nilang matutuo, they’ll go for it, kung ayaw nila. Mahirap silang i-convince. I think it’s not even rare that one has come from a good family and exposed to good environment na proud pasaway. Remember my jeepney ‘adventure’? We went to a high school that highly emphasized on values and social responsibility(heck, we even practice segregation over there - which I personally do), pero ano? Shucks, intersection, pumapara(hindi ko alam kung deprived lang siya of common sense)? I don’t believe she can’t understand the phrase “No Loading and Unloading Zone”. If she can’t understand that, why the hell did she pass highschool and college(na English ang medium of instruction)?
Another jeepney adventure that will probably back up my claim. Nursing or Med Tech stud(either dun, kasi sa uniform niya) pinupunas ang tissue sa sapatos tapos bigla nalang iniwan sa sahig ng jeep ang tissue at yung kasama siniksik lang sa singit ng upuan ng jeep. May basurahan naman sa jeep nun at nakatigil pa ang jeep. Pero one time may nakasakay ako, they didn’t look well off pero alam nila kung saan nilalagay ang basura nila: sa basurahan. Hindi ba ineemphasize ang personal and public hygiene sa medical courses? Hmp.
I am pro use of contraceptives. Ligation is an option but I overheard a conversation that it’s not even 100% safe(may chance pa rin na mabuntis). Hindi naman parang all out implementation ng contraceptives na ipapagamit sa lahat ng babae eh. Hindi naman tayo siguro magiging kasing notorious ng China(like their one child policy) Magiging legal option siya and contraceptives will (probably) be locally manufactured. (dagdag revenue rin yan, kung iisipin). Kaya ewan ko kung bakit naghihysterical ang mga anti-contraceptive at anti-condom(some even claim na hindi pa raw overpopulated ang Pilipinas. WTH? Hinitintay pa ata nila na pati sa dagat, magtayo ng bahay!). I don’t think many will opt for condom. Less pleasure raw kasi. And it’s not 100% sure din. May sablay yun. Sex is human need. Kapag nakipagsex ka, may chansang mabuntis yung partner mo unless impotent ka. I believe that even the poor(who usually breed like rabbits) are AWARE of family planning/birth control. The problem is the lack of option for them. Kung magiging available lang sa kanila ang contraceptives, I think it will be a good way of gaining rapid economic growth(since we are a market economy, the size of the population affects the economy: Law of Supply and Demand). Plus we’re almost running out of resources. Dry spell. Kaya walang tubig sa irrigation kasi napupunta lahat sa household consumption eh(kasama na ang mga illegal connection and tumatagas na tubig). I believe that things would have been easier if only not for our big population and the contrabida conservatives(in a wrong way).
Kung ayaw nila ng contraceptives, condom, ligation or other birth control methods, we will result to one bloody option of ‘birth control’: genocide via extreme poverty(famine, plague, epidemic, etc…). Ano na ngayon ang gusto ng tao? Artificial contraceptives o ‘genocide’?
At tsaka nga pala, sa tingin ko non-biodegradable ang condom(I’m not sure though). Hindi pa ako nakakakita ng tunay pero sabi sa akin, made of rubber daw siya. Dagdag basura kapag yun lang ang natataning choice for artificial birth control. Kadiri naman kung ‘irerecycle’ ang used condom.
There’s nothing wrong with religion(organized or not). I believe that religion was made to make a better society(historically speaking, Jesus never intended to make a new religion. He was for change). The problem is the followers who put all fantasies and narcissisms in religion… thus becoming a huge cult.
Sad reality noh?
Those who look for blame are the people who are powerless.
The real power lies in the people who look for solutions.
Which would you rather be?
Everyone is partly to blame but what can blaming do? It wouldn’t help solve the problems. Not a bit.
Every little thing we do to help is one big step. A little from each one of us will collectively make a BIG difference.
kasalanan yan ng mge iresponsableng magulang…anak ng anak pero hindi anman nila kayang buhayin ng maayos..hindi dapat isisi sa gobyerno ang lahat..
kung sa sarili mo lang hindi mo rin kayang i-solve ang ganyang klaseng problema..pero at least concern citizen ka..
malaki ang matutulong ng simbahan kung papayuhan nila ang mga tagasunod nila tungkol sa contraceptives…pero syempre mababawasan ang kanilang costumer (sana walang ma offend) kaya bakit nila yun gagawin…sabi nga mas mahirap ang buhay mas maraming tao sa simbahan…
…sa tingin ko malayo ka sa pagiging bystander…buti ka pa nga may oras at PUSO para sa volunteer work…ginagawa mo yung parte mo para sa ating lipunan…
sa panahon ngayon maski ako parang malapit na sa hopeless stage…pati paghahalukay sa ugat ng lahat ng problemang to nakakasakit ng ulo…pero mas nakakabaliw ang pagiisip ng posibleng solusyon…feeling ko ang kailangan talaga nating baguhin yung edukasyon sa pilipinas…masyadong individualistic…nakapokus sa acad achievements para yumaman ka sa hinaharap at matulungan mo ang pamilya mo at next step layasan ang bansang ito…nawawala yung puso at pagmamahal sa kapwa pinoy…kumpetisyon ang tingin sa iba hindi karamay…kung nakalugmok sila sa kahirapan kasalanan nila yun kasi tamad sila kaya huwag tularan anak sila ng anak kahit wala nang mapakain kasalanan nila yan…ganyan ang mentalidad ngayon…nakakalungkot…pati gobyerno ang tingin sa edukasyon potential employment…
para magkaroon ng makabuluhang pagbabago ngayon ang daming kailangang basagin…sa sarili ko pa lang ang dami na, pano pa kaya sa iba e pareho tayong produkto ng sistema…masyado na kong preachy tama na to…
BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY pala
contraceptives do not make children deformed. =|
condoms, pills and IUDs do not cause mutations. It’s the abortifacient substances that cause those horrible effects.Drugs like Misoprostol (cytotec) is likely to be the culprit. I hope people would stop misrepresenting contraceptives. Cytotec and other abortion-inducing drugs are 1) not contraceptives and 2) illegal.
I actually laud the INC on their dynamism and progressive views regarding family planning. They support all forms of family planning except abortion (duh). The Roman Catholic Church should take a few notes from them.
naku. hindi ko rin alam kung sino ang dapat sisihin sa mga ganyang bagay. maraming issues na naka-kabit at marami ring ugat kung saan nagmula at kung bakit nangyayari….
siguro ang mahalaga na lang eh yung ginagawa natin yung makakaya natin para makatulong kahit papano. hindi man sapat para sa lahat, at least may-naaabot parin. nakakafrustrate pero parang naghohope na lang na sana sa konting naitutulong natin eh may mangyaring pagbabago.
BELATED HAPPY BEERDAY SHARI!!!!!
Everyone’s to blame! Yun yun eh! Haha. No but really. I guess the very person to blame is yourself (as in the person who committed the deed), he should have thought of the consequences for pursuing such! Although I understand people have needs *ehem* pleasure *ehem* to fulfill, but it’s quite selfish of them to just think of nothing but that.
The government’s always to blame. No need to explain. Haha.
And the church? Well, they’re just protecting their belief. After all, the purpose of sex as stated in the bible.. is for us to “go and multiply!” and not to “go have pleasure”
but anyway.
Don’t feel so helpless. You wanting to help, and helping in every way you can is enough! You must understand that you’re just one person. But you must also believe that one person can change everything.
Did I make sense? At all? Hahaha.
I admire the way you write. There is something beautiful in the way you construct your sentences. And you’re so young! In fact, I borrowed your lines and copied your style in one of my posts. I hope you won’t mind. If you do, well, the damage has been done. I did take effort to credit you in that post.
I agree with those who’ve said that everyone’s to blame. That’s true. Everyone plays a part in it, whether it’s big or small. So I think there’s not one single person/organization that’s the blame for something like this.
Oops, napansin ko pala out of topic yung comment ko. Sorry. I do agree with nearly all the comments about the subject. (Beautifully/Succinctly written by Ms. Cruz)
I think the help that’s being offered (by you) is doing them a world of good. It lets these kids know that there are certain people that actually care. What might be a small part for you, makes a huge difference to them.
I think everyone’s to blame. The government for not giving sufficient education and background on contraceptives and family planning; the parents for not seeking it in the first place. Everyone plays a role. But that really doesn’t matter - what matters is that the problem is being given attention. The important thing is that [some] people actually care.
I agree that contraceptives don’t cause birth defects (condoms, ligation, and other non-hormonal contraceptives). Yes, there are other drugs that causes deformities like the herbal drugs sold in Quiapo or the abortion pill. Contraceptives causing defects is the worst misconception and this hinders the family planning program. It is advised that if you are pregnant that you should not take hormonal drugs, but it doesn’t say that it causes defects. You can read about it online. Lack of education perhaps?
The solution is always education, when a person is educated, the more educated they are, the more options are open to them. In that way, they can make an better decision with their life. When it comes to almost every social problem in the Philippines, it’s usually that people feel helpless about their lives. Education can go a long way. Educating people with programs available to them, educating them on how to have a livelihood.
Oh have you heard that foreign donations of contraceptives are going to be stopped? the spells out s**t for some people.
Oh God, I hate the feeling of being powerless to do something.
But then, blame’s not gonna get us anywhere. Actions would.
@benj,
“contraceptives do not make children deformed. =|”
—> 3 of my officemates before attested that contraceptives caused deformity to their children
It was really sad when we heard their stories. And my boss in my previous company also attested that contraceptives have side-effects. She told us the reason why she couldn’t bear another child is because of the contraceptives she took before (after her first kid)…
@ems, benj
if it did, the department of food and drugs would have taken it out. did it occur that probably they have injested something else? let’s put it that some people don’t tell the whole truth di ba? since abortion is taboo sa bansa natin.
in the past there were hormones that are now banned because of side-effects. sa tingin ko baka yung dati pa na contraceptives ang gumawa nun. ngayon pinakasafe ang mga gamot or else, it’ll be banned from being sold. so let’s not make generalizations, paki-usap lang. let’s educate and re-educate ourselves.