Website Tips and Tricks
If you want to have a popular website, follow these tips and tricks to ensure that you get a lot of hits. No animals have been harmed while making this list.
Hand me a bucket, please. Thanks.
The Domain Name
- Buy a domain name with either the word pink or baby (or both) in it. This is a must if you want to attract fellow “web designers.”
- If you really can’t think of any domain name with baby or pink in it, use a Filipino word instead. Make sure that this certain term is an adjective with a negative meaning or connotation. Hell, you’re here, aren’t you?
The Layout
- Your layout should be pink, using all the possible hues and shades of the color. You can also use baby blue if you want.
- Your layout should definitely be cute. Or at least have something which could pass off as cute to others.
- To hell with semantics and valid coding! Use iFrames and colored scrollbars all over the place.
- Make sure your site is not accessible. Use the smallest font size possible. Small is in!
The Blog
- Rant about your love life. Don’t say anything positive about it. Everyone cares about other people’s love lives. Make sure that you come off as the kawawa in the situation so you’d get your visitors’ sympathy.
- Murder the English and the Filipino languages. Use the l33t language. You’d sure get a lot of readers who’re (notice the ‘) gonna love you like crazy.
- Post your pictures with you smiling widely, making pa-cute in front of the camera, then whine how ugly you are so that people would have no choice but to disagree with you.
The Content
- Sell layouts using other people’s noncommercial materials. Have two sets, the coded and the uncoded layouts. Doing this is “cool,” especially when you’re in dire need of money. Then buy another domain.
- Mention your vital status somewhere. Vain people attract vainer people. (Am I right, Tam?)
- You should also mention somewhere that music is your life and that you can’t live without it. Die!
- And don’t forget the copyright notice. Link to What Is Copyright? or Creative Commons websites even if you haven’t read them of their entirety. State that your website has been 100% made by you, and that stealers are not allowed there. Who says birds of the same feather flock together?
The Network
- Make sure that you call everyone your sis, even if others are guys.
- Exchange links with all people you find on the web. Make everyone your best friend.
- Leave comments like, “hello sis.. uuy namiss kita ng sobra.. uuy cute naman nitong newlayout mo hehhe, sosyal ang colors…” without reading the blog entry at all.
- Join forums. You should reply to threads done only by the forum administrators, moderators, and top posters.
- Don’t join the debates. You shouldn’t make your own stand about things. You shouldn’t even say anything that goes against what someone thinks. You don’t want to get into trouble with anyone, do you?
*Batu-bato sa langit. Ang tamaan wag magagalit. Ang pikon ay laging talo!
This is a list of foolproof ways of getting yourself into the limelight. I assure you that you’d be popular in no time at all!
Oh, what’s the bucket for? It’s to catch the sarcasm dripping from this post.
Find the tips useful? Then please consider making a donation. I will love you forever.
i just love it, love it, love it, love it!.. XD~ everything is so true!
Crap - I can’t come up with anything in Filipino… Will a Danish word have the same positive effect you think?
[...] ^ though Shari may have been a little bit sarcastic about it [...]